I apologize for going ghost without a word or update or anything. Thanks so much for sticking around. I truly appreciate it.
This too shall pass.
In the last 2 months, those four words have been an anchor for me. A necessary reminder that better days are ahead. But before I get into that, let me share a little of what I’ve been struggling with.
My grandma has cancer.
Stage 4 cancer.
The kind that has already spread its ugliness around her tiny 5’0″ frame.
Without boring you with the logistical and emotional details (for now), I will say this:
Holding it together has been tiring as hell.
When I started Motivation Monday, I had a goal in mind. I’ve come to appreciate the fact that the energy you put out is the energy you receive. I wanted to actively live that. Each weekend, I looked forward to putting something positive together to share with you. It helped me center myself and set the tone for the week to come.
But for a while, I didn’t have anything positive to say. I was doing my best to keep myself from falling apart on a daily basis, while trying to be a source of strength and support for my grandmother and my family. I was still in the beginning of adjusting to the working world. But how was I supposed to adjust to a positive change while trying to deal with something that was rocking me to my very core?
As the weekends approached, I would run through all the bible verses and inspirational quotes I’d been whispering to myself throughout the week and still came up with nothing. Thoughts of my grandma’s cancer have felt like anvils resting on my heart and mind. I wasn’t sleeping well. Eating was pretty optional. At work, I’d close my door to keep my co-workers from seeing my stream of tears. Every other free thought I had somehow went back to the woman who helped raise me. I wasn’t ready to share the story connected to it all. I wasn’t ready admit that I have never been so scared. Saying it out loud was bad enough. But writing it, sharing it, just made it too real.
This too shall pass.
I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way, I started to believe that things would get better. My grandma’s cancer hasn’t gone away, but her spirits have gotten better. Her approach to every day has changed. And after giving myself permission to experience the full spectrum of my emotions (after my friends told me it was okay to do so), I started to feel okay again. I had to. Life had to go on.
I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t have my moments. I also know that the hardest part has yet to come. But for now, I’m okay. I’m blessed. I’m grateful.
I’m looking forward to keeping this thing going and sharing some more here.
Thanks for reading.
Wishing you love, peace, and joy,