Rewriting Herstory

I made a move last month to a new sector of the legal world. I’ve been feeling all good about the work day to day. I get to counsel students, consult with faculty about diversity programs, and make decisions that come with a sense of purpose and usefulness. I’m very grateful. And happy.

So why do I feel so…how do you say…uneasy? Unsettled? Restless? I’m not even sure how to characterize it.

For so much of my life, I’ve had my eyes set on some fixed target. It was always clear what the next step was supposed to be.  During high school, I knew college was next. As college graduation approached, I knew grad school would start in the fall. While in grad school, I applied to law school.  All roads led to graduation, more school, and eventually a job  I knew about 1 year before I started.  And as much as I griped about the perceived lack of freedom, the reading and exams, and the loans that financed my fun bills and necessities, I had no idea how strange things were on this side of the green grass.

As new as this career change is, I feel a need to know what’s next. I watched this UFC reality show last night with the beau (I kinda like this UFC stuff. But don’t tell him.) and a lady fighter, Ronda “Rowdy” Rousey, said something like “the danger of achieving all your goals is not knowing what to do next.” I’m not saying that I’m looking for a new job, or that I’ve done my life’s work. I’m just feel like I should have an idea of what’s ahead. But I don’t. And it’s weird.

But it’s okay, because such is life. Right?

We often get two sets of messages. Be happy and enjoy the moments right in front of you. Then again, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. o_O. You’re supposed to work day to day, learn, and enjoy the process. But there should also be a deliberate process of preparing yourself to be better as you go, not just letting the days pass you by with no direction or purpose. So how do you achieve the middle ground? Is there such a thing?

Maybe I’m the weirdo. I’m always checking out the view of the forest, while examining the colors of the leaves.

Until next time, peace and blessings…